Grief Counseling

We don’t heal from grief; we heal through it.

As a spiritual depth psychotherapist, end of life doula, and grief counselor in Oakland, CA; I help folks transform after loss. The process of grief is a wonderful teacher; offering the opportunity to explore and review your life, deal with unfinished business, and express a full spectrum of feelings.

Navigating the Waves of Grief: A Journey Toward Healing

Grief is a universal yet deeply personal experience that touches everyone at some point. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a relationship, a job, or even a long-held dream, grief comes in many forms and affects us in unique ways. This journey through grief is anything but linear, often filled with moments of sorrow, confusion, anger, and even unexpected joy. Let’s explore the nuances of grief and ways to move through it with compassion and resilience.

Grief: It’s Not One-Size-Fits-All

The first thing to understand is that there is no “right” way to grieve. Society often presents a model of grief that moves through clear stages—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. This model, developed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, provides a helpful framework but isn’t the whole picture. Many people experience grief more like a series of waves than a straight path, with feelings coming and going unpredictably.

You might feel intense sadness one day, and a sense of calm the next, only for the grief to surge again without warning. This ebb and flow is natural. It’s important to honor your own unique process and allow the emotions to come and go without judgment.

Why Grief Takes Time

Grief often feels endless, and that’s because, in many ways, it is. Losing someone or something significant is a permanent change, and we can’t expect to simply “move on.” Instead, we learn to adapt and carry the memory with us. Over time, grief may become less intense, but it will always be part of your life. The goal isn’t to forget but to find a way to live with the loss while still finding meaning and joy in life.

Self-Compassion in the Grieving Process

Being kind to yourself is essential. Grief is exhausting, both emotionally and physically, and it’s easy to fall into self-blame, guilt, or frustration for not “handling it better.” Allow yourself to feel everything—sadness, anger, confusion—without self-criticism. Treat yourself as you would a friend, recognizing that grief requires patience.

Coping Mechanisms: Finding What Works for You

Everyone grieves differently, so there’s no universal prescription for coping with grief. However, here are some practices that many find helpful:

1. Talking it Out: Whether with friends, family, or a therapist, sharing your feelings can be incredibly cathartic. Sometimes just voicing your pain helps it feel more manageable.
2. Journaling: Writing your thoughts and feelings down allows you to process emotions without judgment. It’s a private way to release what might be too difficult to say out loud.
3. Physical Activity: Exercise can be an outlet for intense emotions. Even gentle activities like walking, yoga, or stretching can help ease stress and provide a sense of grounding.
4. Creative Expression: Art, music, ritual, and other creative outlets offer another means of processing grief. Many people find comfort in creating something that represents their feelings or memories of their loved one.
5. Seeking Spiritual or Religious Support: For some, spiritual beliefs provide comfort and understanding. Meditation, prayer, or spending time in nature can foster a sense of connection to something larger than oneself.

Facing Grief’s Surprises: Joy and Guilt

A common but unexpected part of grieving is the occasional feeling of joy, laughter, or happiness. This can be confusing or even guilt-inducing; people often feel they are dishonoring their loved one or loss by moving forward in positive ways. Remember, it’s okay to laugh, love, and find moments of happiness. Joy doesn’t negate the importance of your loss, nor does it mean you’ve “gotten over” it. It’s a sign that you are allowing yourself to continue living, which is a vital part of the healing process.

Supporting Others in Grief

If someone close to you is grieving, it’s natural to want to help. Often, the best support comes not from trying to “fix” the pain but simply by being present. Listen without judgment, offer a shoulder to lean on, and avoid pressuring them to feel better or move on. Grief has no timeline, so give your loved ones the space to process in their own time.

Remembering While Moving Forward

Healing doesn’t mean forgetting; it means remembering in a way that brings peace rather than pain. You might decide to honor your loved one’s memory through annual traditions, creating a memory box, or by supporting causes that were important to them. Carrying forward their legacy can be a comforting way to keep their spirit alive in your life.

There Is No “End” to Grief

Grief will change and shift over time, but it may always be part of you. This doesn’t have to be something negative. With time, grief can transform into a source of wisdom, compassion, and strength. The process of healing is one of learning to live alongside your loss, honoring what it meant to you, and allowing it to shape you in meaningful ways.

As you navigate the journey of grief, remember that you are not alone. Support is available in many forms, and while the pain may never fully disappear, life holds the possibility of joy and meaning once more. Be gentle with yourself, honor the process, and trust that healing, while slow, is possible.

Contact me if you’re experiencing grief with: