Understanding Grief as an Initiation: Honoring Loss as a Sacred Journey
In a culture that prioritizes productivity, youth, and quick fixes, we often find ourselves ill-prepared for the reality of loss. Until we experience the death of a loved one or face a life-altering illness, we may not fully grasp grief’s depth and reach. As Frances Weller reminds us, grief is not a problem to be solved but a threshold we must cross—a sacred territory of the soul. Yet, too often, we receive messages that we should “move on” or “stay strong,” as if grief follows a predictable timeline or can be neatly contained.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Grief is not an obstacle to overcome; it is an initiation into the deeper currents of our humanity. It touches every level of our being—physically, emotionally, mentally, socially, and spiritually. It is both intensely personal and profoundly communal, an experience shaped by our culture, family, spiritual beliefs, and life history.
The Many Faces of Grief
Grief manifests in countless ways, often catching us off guard. It is a shape-shifter, bringing waves of emotions that may contradict or overlap. You might experience:
• Shock and numbness—a sense of unreality or feeling disconnected from yourself and the world.
• Deep exhaustion—either an overwhelming need for sleep or the inability to rest.
• Intense emotions—from sorrow, rage, and anxiety to unexpected moments of joy or gratitude.
• A sense of being ‘between worlds’—feeling disoriented, lost, or untethered.
• A longing for what is no longer—the ache of absence, the emptiness where someone or something once was.
Grief does not conform to a neat progression of stages. It is cyclical, nonlinear, and ever-changing. At times, it feels like a tidal wave; at others, a quiet undercurrent. It does not simply disappear with time—it integrates into the fabric of our lives.
The Five Gates of Grief
Frances Weller describes grief as having many entry points, or “gates.” We often associate grief with death, but loss takes many forms:
1. The loss of someone or something we love—the grief that most readily comes to mind.
2. The parts of ourselves we have abandoned—as we conform to societal expectations, we grieve the dreams, expressions, and truths we’ve set aside.
3. The sorrows of the world—climate grief, social injustice, and the pain of witnessing suffering in our communities and beyond.
4. Ancestral grief—the unacknowledged losses passed down through generations, carried in our bodies and psyches.
5. The things we never received—the absence of love, security, or recognition we longed for but never had.
Each of these gates invites us into a deeper reckoning with our sorrow. When left unexpressed, grief can become stagnant, turning into depression, numbness, or illness. But when we acknowledge and tend to our grief, it becomes a source of renewal, opening us to greater connection, meaning, and vitality.
The Importance of Communal Grief
One of the great losses in modern Western society is the absence of communal rituals for grieving. Historically, grief was not meant to be carried alone. In many indigenous and ancestral traditions, mourning was a shared experience, held in the presence of others who could witness and support the bereaved.
Weller describes how grief and gratitude are deeply intertwined: when we allow ourselves to grieve fully, we make more space for love, joy, and reverence for life. Without the container of community, grief can feel isolating, but when we gather in grief, we reclaim a lost practice—one that is essential for healing.
Ways to Tend to Your Grief
Rather than resisting grief, we can learn to lean into it, much like leaning into a wave rather than being knocked over. Here are some ways to honor and move with your grief:
• Create ritual—whether through lighting a candle, writing letters to the deceased, creating an altar, or engaging in spiritual practices, ritual helps give form to our sorrow.
• Engage the body—grief is not just emotional; it lives in the body. Movement, breathwork, dance, and time in nature can help release stored grief.
• Express through creativity—art, poetry, music, and storytelling are powerful ways to externalize and process grief.
• Seek support—grief longs to be witnessed. Whether through a trusted friend, therapist, or grief circle, sharing your sorrow can lighten its weight.
• Connect with the land—nature is one of the greatest teachers in grief. The cycles of death, decay, and renewal remind us that loss is part of the great unfolding of life.
Walking the Path of Grief
Grief is not something we “get over.” It is something we learn to carry, something that shapes us and deepens our capacity for love. As Weller beautifully says, “The work of the mature human is to carry grief in one hand and gratitude in the other and to be stretched large by them.”
This is the invitation of grief—not to be conquered or silenced, but to be embraced as part of the sacred journey of being fully alive.
This post is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to understanding the vast topic of grief. If you would like to explore grief counseling and spiritual depth psychotherapy with me, please contact me.