The Silent Goodbye: Grieving the Loss of Who You Were in Menopause
Menopause is often framed in biological terms—hormonal shifts, changes to the body, and medicalized treatments. Yet, beneath the physical, menopause represents a profound psychological and spiritual transition. It is a liminal phase, a descent into the underworld of the psyche, where deep grief can arise as an intrinsic part of the process.
The Archetypal Descent: A Death and Rebirth
The psyche is a dynamic realm of symbols, archetypes, and unconscious forces that shape our experiences. In this framework, menopause is not merely a loss of fertility; it is an initiation into a new stage of life, often marked by grief, transformation, and eventual renewal.
In mythology, we see echoes of this journey in the story of Ishtar’s descent into the underworld. Ishtar, the Mesopotamian goddess of love and fertility, voluntarily descends into the realm of death, shedding layer after layer of her former self. She is ultimately stripped bare, left in the darkness, and must face her own undoing before she can be reborn. Likewise, menopause invites women to surrender identities they have carried for decades: maiden, mother, lover, caregiver, creator—and step into the unknown.
The Many Faces of Grief in Menopause
Grief in menopause is multifaceted. It is not simply mourning the end of the reproductive years, but also an encounter with deeper layers of personal and collective loss.
1. Loss of the Younger Self – The aging process itself can trigger a confrontation with mortality, the fading of youthful vitality, and the societal devaluation of aging women. This can evoke profound sadness, anger, or fear.
2. Unlived Potential – As the psyche reflects on the past, there may be grief for roads not taken, dreams unfulfilled, or aspects of the self that were sacrificed in service of family, career, or social roles. Menopause often brings a reckoning with time.
3. Changes in Identity – For those who identified strongly with their fertility, caregiving roles, or sexuality, menopause can feel like a symbolic death. The question arises: Who am I beyond these roles?
4. Collective and Ancestral Grief – Women carry the collective stories of their lineage. Menopause can unearth generational grief—unprocessed traumas of mothers, grandmothers, and the collective feminine experience of oppression, invisibility, and silencing.
Holding Grief as a Sacred Process
Grief in menopause is not a pathology to be treated but a sacred threshold to be honored. Rather than resisting or numbing this grief, there is an invitation to descend into it, to listen deeply to what it asks, and to allow it to shape the emerging self.
1. Symbolic Work – Dreams, active imagination, and journaling can offer insight into the unconscious dimensions of menopause. What images arise? What messages does the psyche offer through dreams?
2. Ritual and Myth – Engaging in personal or communal rituals can help mark this transition. Creating an altar, burning what wants to be released, or engaging with myths of descent and renewal can offer symbolic containment for grief.
3. Embodying the Wise Woman – In many indigenous and ancient traditions, postmenopausal women were revered as wisdom keepers. Grieving the loss of one identity makes space for another to emerge—the Crone, the Elder, the Sovereign.
4. Psychotherapy and Inner Work – Depth-oriented therapy provides a space to explore grief as a soul process rather than a medical problem. Working with archetypes, shadow material, and the inner feminine can bring meaning to this transition.
Emerging from the Underworld
Like Ishtar, the woman who grieves in menopause does not remain in the underworld forever. Though transformed, she returns with new insight, depth, and a connection to her inner authority. The grief of menopause is not an end—it is a gateway into a freer, more authentic way of being.
By honoring grief as part of this sacred transition, menopause becomes not just a biological event, but a deep initiation into the wisdom years, where loss is alchemized into new power, presence, and inner sovereignty.
If you’re interested in exploring grief counseling and spiritual depth psychotherapy with me, contact me today.