Coping with Pet Loss: My Journey Through Grief and How Depth Therapy Can Help
The day after Christmas 2020, I euthanized my best friend, my beloved cat Lima. She had been my companion for seven years—through three different homes, my journey to becoming a therapist, and the isolation of COVID-19. She had survived more than her fair share of battles, including a major surgery after eating a foreign object and living with severe inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) for her last three years.
Lima’s IBD put us both through immense suffering. My nervous system became tethered to hers, like a mother to her baby. Every time she vomited, I panicked. I felt helpless, scared, and exhausted by the countless vet visits and the thousands of dollars spent trying to ease her pain. Yet, despite all we went through, our bond never wavered—until the cancer diagnosis came.
At first, I clung desperately to hope, trying chemotherapy and heavy steroids. But Lima began to change. She stopped sleeping with me. She hid under furniture. She had side effects that made her look unrecognizable. Worse, she started to fear me. Deep down, I knew the life we were living was no longer the one I wanted for her. I knew she was telling me she was ready to go.
The grief that followed her passing shattered me in ways I never expected. Even though I had made the most compassionate decision, I was consumed by guilt, sadness, and a profound emptiness. I coped by cleaning every inch of my home, as if somehow scrubbing away Lima’s fur would ease my grief. It didn’t. The pain still came in waves—some gentle, some crushing.
Pet Loss and the Depths of Grief
Losing a pet isn’t “just losing an animal.” It’s losing a best friend, a constant companion, and in many ways, a part of yourself. Society often downplays pet loss, making those grieving feel isolated or even ashamed of the depth of their pain. But the truth is, the grief from pet loss can be just as profound as losing a human loved one.
For those of us who have been through this, we know it’s not just sadness—it’s a complex, layered grief. It can bring up feelings of:
• Guilt (“Did I do enough?” “Was it too soon?”)
• Resentment (toward the illness, the vet bills, even toward the pet for leaving us)
• Anger (at the unfairness of it all)
• Emptiness (the overwhelming silence in their absence)
In many ways, pet caregivers experience something similar to caregiver burnout—exhaustion, anxiety, and emotional turmoil. We give so much of ourselves to them, and when they are gone, we can feel lost.
How Depth Therapy Helps Navigate Pet Loss
My own therapy was essential to helping me process Lima’s chronic illness and eventual passing. I needed a space to grieve, to release guilt, and to learn how to carry my love for Lima forward without being consumed by loss. This is where depth therapy played a crucial role.
Depth therapy is different from traditional talk therapy because it doesn’t just focus on coping skills—it helps uncover the unconscious emotional bonds we form with our pets and the deeper psychological impact of their loss. It addresses grief on a profound level by:
1. Exploring the Pet’s Symbolic Role in Your Life
Lima wasn’t just my cat; she was my emotional anchor. She had been with me through major life transitions, offering comfort and stability. Depth therapy helps us see the symbolic meaning of our pets in our lives and why their absence can feel so earth-shattering.
2. Processing Suppressed Emotions
I experienced a rollercoaster of emotions—love, grief, relief, guilt. Depth therapy provides a space to acknowledge and work through these conflicting feelings without judgment.
3. Honoring the Continuing Bond
Even though Lima is no longer physically here, she is still a part of me. Depth therapy doesn’t focus on “moving on” but rather on finding a way to carry your pet’s memory forward in a way that brings peace rather than just pain. Creating rituals—like my altar for Lima—helps keep our connection alive.
4. Healing Through Storytelling
I still talk about Lima. I tell stories about her quirks, her stubbornness, her adventures. I share her pictures. Storytelling is a powerful way to process grief while keeping our pets’ memory alive.
5. Creating Personalized Rituals for Closure
Because pet loss often lacks formal mourning rituals, depth therapy helps create meaningful ways to say goodbye—whether it’s writing a letter, keeping a memorial space, or engaging in visualization exercises to reconnect with their presence.
Finding Support for Pet Loss
Four years later, I still miss Lima terribly. But I have also learned that love doesn’t end with loss—it transforms. After about a year, I felt ready to open my heart to another companion. I adopted a dog. She doesn’t replace Lima, but she has brought new love into my life.
Grief doesn’t have a timeline, and it doesn’t mean you stop loving the one you lost. It just means you learn to carry that love differently.
If you are struggling with the loss of a pet, you are not alone. If your loss was sudden, it may have been traumatic. If you were a long-term caregiver, you may be processing years of exhaustion and emotional weight. All of it is valid.
I’m sharing my story in hopes that it helps you feel less alone in yours. If you live in California and are caring for a chronically ill pet or grieving a loss, I may be able to help. Please visit my grief counseling page to learn more about my practice, or contact me today.
And if you’d like, please share your pet’s story in the comments. Let’s create a space where we can honor their memory together.
To all the pets who have left us—your love remains, furever.